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17

Feb

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Episode 21: Housemaids FM

The Housemaids have hijacked an actual undisclosed FM radio station in this weeks censor beep-happy episode. Recorded during the radio dead zone which was the series finale of Breaking Bad and the season premier of Homeland, this loungy episode is best enjoyed in your biggest, comfiest recliner, paired with a 2013 pinot noir. Featuring an on air interview with two of our west coast sisters-in-rags who tell us all about cleaning for a house of well to do hardcore guys.

02

Nov

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EPISODE 20: Slouching Towards Provincetown

IT’S OUR 20TH EPISODE BITCH! Celebrate with Rag and Sponge in typical fashion as Sponge cleans for an aformentioned not-so-hot WASPy guy and Rag looks back on his first summer in the service industry in Provincetown. 

26

Sep

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Episode 19: Friend Vacation

In this whirlwind of a month, we’ve time travelled from all the way back in June 2013 to this weeks episode: NEARLY present day. 

Join us as we reunite for the first time in months in Rag’s cozy, boho trailer in Provincetown, MA, the epicenter of all things spooky and gay. The date is mid-August and it feels as though summer may never end… 

While blue collar Sponge has been waiting for work in the stock-yards of NYC, Rag started over with a new life in a different service industry. 

The food is expensive, the decor is quaint, the conversation is honest and someone got a sunburn/a hangover… it’s a Friend Vacation y’all!

Plus, find out why the pilgrims REALLY landed here first! We think the answer will TRULY surprise you.

Itunes users download here:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cleaning-house/id608468613

Non itunes users:

www.Realhousemaids.libsyn.com

11

Sep

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Episode 18: The Anna Kendrick of Clients

Welcome back! This week we travel back in time once again. The time is early July 2013. 

Rag had just QUIT working for Madame X and in typical fashion, under a cloud of shame and complaints. The gals disect his final days as a maid and his recent confrontations with mega wealthy psychopathatic women. 

Other topics include: Gay guys in offices, Randy’s GF and her sour Anna kendrick face and much more!

Also featured, the first ever Real Housemaids blooper real! 

03

Sep

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Episode 17: Devilish Maids

They’re pretty, they’re skinny, they’ve got a “brand new” show on Lifetime and no, I’m not talking about the Real Housemaids. Marc Cherry has gone and done it again folks. First he exposed America’s housewives as Desperate and now him and false prophet Eva Longoria have appropriated Our culture and turned it into some cheap pulp fiction. 

The time has come, the Housemaids are about to weigh in on the Devious Maids “phenomenon.” Recorded live from the Ace Hotel way back in June, listen in as we review the work of our distant cousins, the Hotel Maid, watch spam-like promo clips for Devious and generally discuss topics relevant to the week of June 25th.

It’s a real time capsule people! And our most RATCHET episode yet. 

And don’t forget, this month, we release a new episode every week so tune in next week for more Housemaids silliness

25

Jul

Just a lil post construction clean down on ol cape cod
Love,
-Rag

08

Jul

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Episode 16: Maidland Grodiness Advisory System

This week we unveil our new Maidland Security Advisory System. This is both a tired joke from 11 years ago and a convenient way for us to impart the grodiness levels we encounter on a daily basis.

Just like the dated refference, the system goes from green to red, green being very nice houses with a very low risk of being grody, red being less attractive real estate with a very high likelihood of being completely disgusting

…Get it? 

19

Jun

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Episode 15: Duplicity

And we’re back!

This week Rag and Sponge decided to go their separate ways. While Rag was away shooting a scene on location, Sponge filed papers with the NYC county clerk citing ‘irreconcilable differences in cleaning style.’ Let’s be honest, a trial separation had been coming down the pike for a while. What with their bustling twitter, facebook AND tumblr pages, any couple would feel the pressure and scrutiny of the public eye. 

Sponge just wanted a clean break. She didn’t want the bucket, she didn’t want a custody battle of the Murphy’s oil. She just wanted out. While she wishes Rag the best, she’s loving her new life out of the shadow of their relationship! Join her as she recounts her recent misadventures in Williamsburg, the 9th layer of Tribeca and more! 

Rag was completely blindsided by Sponge’s decision. She just woke up one morning, grabbed Murphy and it was over. While he knew Sponge had been unhappy, he thought Organic couple’s counseling might save their hell-forged union. In this weeks episode, he drowns his sorrows in someone else’s sorrows, doing a Live clean for one of our infamous Lonely Girls!

Extra special thank you to amazing, genius, downtown, underground DJ Physical Therapy for curating the music for this episode!

As always, email us your questions, stories, pictures, whatever at realhousemaids@yahoo.com

And don’t forget to rate, comment and subscribe on itunes! That part is crucial!

ON ITUNES:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cleaning-house/id608468613

NON ITUNES USERS:
www.realhousemaids.tumblr.com

13

May

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Episode 14: 20% Done

This weeks episode is a live audio diary of a clean we did together in a financial district loft. 

Join us as we unravel the lives of a couple of non-denominational prosecutors for the US justice system and their boringly named baby. 

Dell computers, John Adams (the miniseries) on Blu-Ray, first generation ipods, kahlua, world travel (books), Jeff Tweedy stuff.

Their apartment was a reclaimed coke palace from some pre-pre-pre-recession golden age. We even cleaned what remained of an extremely 80’s jacuzzi, perhaps still haunted by the man who must have died in it over 20 years ago… He is surely rolling (on ecstasy) in his grave knowing they’ve converted his former sauna into a very smelly walk-in closet. 

This episode is an emotional rollercoaster ride you will surely vomit on!

29

Apr

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EPISODE 13: MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF MAIDS AND EVIL

Lucky number 13!

This weeks episode is a love letter to our new HATER. That’s right, we are finally popular enough to have exactly one hate comment and we dissect every part of that milestone. Including ourselves! As we reflect on how far we’ve come, a Housemaid has to wonder, are we evil?

Other topics include: TAX SEASON, CALIFORNIA CLOSETS, SPRING CLEANING, RANDY AND DID WE MENTION HATERS???

17

Apr

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EPISODE 12: THE RIHANNA OF MAIDS


Welcome back! Recently, while taking in some of NYC’s notorious “culture”, we ran into an old prep school chum who we discovered was also IN THE BIZ. High school may be all queen-bees-and-wannabes but in the world of maids, there are no popular girls. Listen here to our leisurely chat with DUSTY, our new special West Village correspondant. We wanted to really get to know her style (cleaning and otherwise) so we did what any Diane Sawyer would do: we asked her a million questions in the vain of an US Weekly 25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me column. ALSO INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE: SOME ACTUAL CLEANING TIPS. ENJOY! 


ITUNES USERS: FIND US, RATE, COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE HERE:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cleaning-house/id608468613

NON ITUNES USERS: DOWNLOAD AT

www.realhousemaids.libsyn.com


NOTE: Many of you have asked about our first three episodes. They are available here on the tumblr but are not on iTunes!

LOL! We’ve arrived, it’s our first itunes hate comment! Thank you for making me feel successful Luckydog88888, she also hated the last mary j blige album so we are in good company… right?

LOL! We’ve arrived, it’s our first itunes hate comment! Thank you for making me feel successful Luckydog88888, she also hated the last mary j blige album so we are in good company… right?

25

Mar

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CLEANING HOUSE EPISODE 11: SERIOUS LUNCH

Serious Lunch (see-ree-OS LUN-ch)

Noun

  1. A fun lunch with your best friend that takes a serious turn.
  2. When you think you’re going to a casual lunch, but your bestie has something unexpected and important to get off her chest

This weeks episode starts with a blues riff in the key of MAID. 

Sponge lends her generous ears as Rag tells his recent tales of woe and deceit. 

Lies, betrayal, court dates and redemption, all to be found in the first 20 minutes of this episode

Then the maids turn their frowns upside down and welcome DR. STEVEN PHILLIPS-HORST (@gossipbabies), resident sluts-pert in for a MAJOR sex/relationship advice segment. We asked you to email, tweet and facebook us your queeries to be answered by our panel of experts and the response was overwhelmingly amazing. Thank you for your questions, we love our fans.

Topics covered: Therapists, double-d’s, vegan girlfriends, lesbian sex and much, much more. Sponge even touches a condom for the first time EVER. 

AS ALWAYS, SEND YOUR QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, PICTURES AND STORIES TO:

Realhousemaids@yahoo.com

08

Mar

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We’ve made it people! Episode 10!

Today we look into the VERY different lives of two clients we’ve shared this past year.  

One is the quintessential upper east side diva. An heiress of a broadway fortune, she lives out her days attending galas and dinner parties, in french castles,and of course, her local hair salon. Turner classic movies quietly play out on tiny flat screens. Filipino housekeepers fold english linens. Her life was a meticulously arranged broadway production, and we cherished our time on stage with her.

Then, hop the 6 train headed downtown and meet us in the storied EAST VILLAGE. The second client we dissect this week is a rail thin former model and reality tv star who spent years in funeral homes, sculpting decomposed bodies into the funeral ready mannequins you find in open caskets. Prison letters were shared, naps were taken, gothic neck collars were designed. She was a can of worms we were more than pleased to open!

DOWNLOAD AND SUBSCRIBE FROM ITUNES HERE 
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cleaning-house/id608468613

NON ITUNES USERS DOWNLOAD FROM LIBSYN

www.realhousemaids.libsyn.com


REMEMBER, SEND YOUR QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, PICTURES AND STORIES TO realhousemaids@yahoo.com

AND ON THAT TIP, SEND US YOUR SEX AND ROMANCE QUESTIONS FOR A FUTURE EPISODE, THESE DO NOT HAVE TO BE CLEANING RELATED. BUT WE WILL BE GIVING YOU ADVICE. 

22

Feb

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CLEANING HOUSE EPISODE 9: The View

THE TABLES HAVE TURNED!

This week the maids have done a full 180 and turned the mics on a group of lucky fans! We asked four people 5 questions and we think their answers will shock AND tickle you. Topics covered: Dirtiest roommates, grossest bathrooms, childhood memories and much more…

And as always, Rag and Sponge sit down for a classic hungover fireside chat dissecting current events, rude clients and each other.

PLEASE EMAIL QUESTIONS, COMMENTS STORIES AND PICTURES TO:
Realhousemaids@yahoo.com

ALSO, WRITE IN WITH YOUR SEX AND ROMANCE QUERIES FOR THE MAIDS TO ANSWER ON A FUTURE EPISODE. THIS IS CRUCIAL, DO IT NOW

DOWNLOAD THIS EPISODE AT:

www.realhousemaids.libsyn.com